Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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