You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
