i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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