tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Text me some of your sweat
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
