a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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