i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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