omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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