My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
