i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
