so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
