your thong is hanging out like whoa
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
