We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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