Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
P.S. I can't hear my feet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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