am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
where does the pee come out of this thing
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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