She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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