yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
