ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
