HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
