True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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