I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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