I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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