i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
