I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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