My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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