I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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