Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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