worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
