tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Randomize
