I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
