So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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