Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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