So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry about my life...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
