She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
