does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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