Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
