Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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