honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
