i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
