Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
