I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
