i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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