I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
