tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
