Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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