My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
