Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
