if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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