She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
