3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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