my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
