I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
