It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
