then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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