The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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