I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
