You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
