I want to walk on stilts...naked
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
