Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
