I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
