I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
