So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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