So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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