Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
