She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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