someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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