we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize