they need to just BURY HIM!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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