Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
