did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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