I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
