Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
