is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
