And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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